2009 Archive
22 December 2009
Ummm… Christmas? No. Reflecting on the year? Yes.
as i sit here in my green and multi-shaded-grey office, organising diaries and generally doing things that musicians should not be forced to do, i reflect on a monumentally crazy year. when your only creative outlets are letting your mind wander while you file, listening to your ipod instead of answering the phones, and typing up notes from a meeting you’ve just had, you get to appreciate the time spent doing the things that employ more of those wonderful creative juices - singing, writing, thinking, jamming, watching others jamming, discussing, and yelling from the rooves!
perhaps my life is ruled by polarizing forces, i am constantly torn between the arts and my responsibilities to my bank, but i think that i have found a half-decent balance. i make enough cash from my day job and from my mulish musical endeavours to drink lots, make music, and occasionally eat. and more importantly, i can afford to feed my dog. bless his socks. i look at my life and i figure that i’m ok, i’m even lucky. i could die tomorrow and not regret a thing. except leaving my dog of course. ok, ok, so sometimes i look at my life and want to throw an almighty tantrum - i have lost the two loves of my life in the span of 1.5 years, and i am still quite (justifiably) traumatised by this. i want to scratch a few peoples eyes out. i want to force people to do things so that i get what i want. and my futility is rationally so bloody easy to understand… but so emotionally inescapable. it’s not fair. my mother always said ‘life’s a bitch, and then you die’. she was right.
cynicism runs in the family.
so, in an attempt to remind myself that ‘hope’ and ‘joy’ do indeed exist, i thought i’d tell you about 5 of the nicest things people have said to me this year -
‘why do you need a rock like that, when you’ve got eyes like those?’ - boyfriend’s commentary on my gigantic bling costume jewellery. people don’t say things like that anymore… so i just laughed when my then boyfriend turned this one out in the pub one night. later on i reflected that this is undoubtedly the most romantic thing i’ve ever heard. then again, he was probably drunk and probably didn’t mean it to sound that nice.
‘christ! this is heartbreaking. what a beautiful song.’ - an internet reviewers critique of my song ‘quiet resignation’ (written as part of the 50/90 songwriting challenge). i get perverse joy when people use the lord’s name in vain. blasphemy is one of my favourite past-times. i was glad to see also that ‘heartbreaking’ & ‘beautiful’ could go hand-in-hand so well. my favourite line from the song? ‘cos i am that hard to love’..
‘don’t worry baby, you can sit on my face any time you like’ - the now ex-boyfriend’s attempt at softening the blow of the break-up? ummm, more likely it was a nod to the prowess of his own tongue. an amusing quote all the same.
‘you are hot, therefore you’ll be fine’ - random guy outside Medina after the legendary post-breakup Acoustic Edinburgh gig - 7th July 2009. i think at the time i scowled at him, as i’d literally been broken up with hours earlier and had cried my way through my headline set. but looking back on it, as much as it hurts to admit it, he’s right. i will be ok. and yes, i am hot. smirk.
‘you are one of my ‘real’ friends - honest and true’ - my friend jess, as she said goodbye before leaving for Australia. this made me ball. i have been a terrible friend this year… and i know it. but it’s not personal… i have ignored everyone, not just certain individuals. for the ignoring i do not apologise, sometimes you need to spend some time up your own arse, some time just indulging in your recklessness. for the hurt i may have caused people through this, i do apologise for. i will understand completely if you have to jettison this inherantly selfish human from your circle of friends… but will reward you with kisses and gin if you keep me in. i love you all, truely, i just can’t always be as available as you’d like. it’s a musician-thing i think.
ok, so i did mention that this was an ‘attempt’, right? i.e. i knew i may not succeed? well, yeah, i didn’t succeed in un-bah-humbugging myself, but i did remind myself that there are people that give a shit about me, so that’s nice to know. and that some people are digging my music - so dig, baby, dig!
upon being reminded recently that i have failed on a number of levels to function normally this year, it occurred to me how odd my life must seem to those around me. for those who are worried about me - don’t be. i am strong amidst my failures, kamikaze still despite being taken to the far realms of hurt this year, i haven’t missed a bill-payment all year, haven’t reached alcoholism yet, and as far as i’m aware, still have relatively decent motor-control (e.g. i can still keep rhythm in the band ok). for those who aren’t worried, but are pissed off at me instead - screw you, hippies! if i have learned anything this year it is to not be apologetic for being who you are… for being true to yourself. for my madness, for my wild abandon, for my uncompromising love, I DO NOT APOLOGISE. [clove, the beautiful irony about you is that you taught me not to compromise… yet now that you have raised the bar beyond the shadow of any other, that is what i’ll be destined to do for the rest of my days. cunt.]
there is little that i can say to sum-up my year. the changes in me are immeasurable. i was given the unique opportunity to rebuild from scratch a life that, at this time last year, i had very little interest in living. the people that have helped me know who they are. to those who want to learn more - just listen to my album ’stiletto’ to be enlightened. to clove - it was a rare and unimaginably great pleasure to be in your company this year - a toast across the void, to our savage graces. i love you and always will. to my friends and family - one day i will find a balance between the kamikaze and the housewife, but please just be patient with me. to my audiences this year - collectively you have made performing a pleasurable and desired thing this year, and individually you have often taken my breath away with your insights, your understanding, and most commonly just your sheer enjoyment of what i do. without which, this fickle musician might’ve just faded off the radar.
A TOAST - to falling in love, whatever the consequences; to living life without apologies; and to picking yourself with grace when you have fallen with wild abandon!
As always, and especially today -
Love & Laudanum
xxx
Hann
p.s. buy my cds - and as a treat i will kiss you and/or bite you - whichever you’d prefer. buy!
http://www.hannahoreilly.com/
http://www.myspace.com/hannahoreilly
http://www.myspace.com/augustalia
follow me on twitter - http://www.twitter.com/hannahoreilly
currently listening to -
Ocean - Tegan & Sara
Firebomb - Rihanna
Moonbeams - Jym Ponter
Tradewinds - me
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7 December 2009
Born to be Wide
Thursday 3rd December saw yet another Born to be Wide music seminar held at the Voodoo Rooms. This one was about Music Publishing, and was supported by the Music Publishers Association. Born To Be Wide was launched five year’s ago to provide a meeting place for those involved or interested in the Scottish music scene, with a diverse range of musicians, journalists, promoters, label owners and friends of music, invited to play their all-time favourite records. Seminars on various subjects began in 2008.
The panel members included Paul Harris, head of A&R at independent publisher Reverb XL, lawyer Murray Buchanan and one-man publishing operation, Paul Shedden, owner of Shed Publishing, and sync specialist David McGinnis from Mute Songs.
It was a really interesting seminar with a really knowledgable and interesting panel. To give you a run-down… Music publishers do a few things - 1. they act as the collection agent for all your royalties (PRS, MCPS), 2. they look after your song catalogue and foster further writing (publishing advances), and 3. they pimp your songs out to advertisers, film studios, other performers etc. Some publishers do all of the above, others do parts thereof. Basically, for small-time singer/songwriters (my level 
) there is no need to have a publisher, as it is a profit-based sector, meaning that if you aren’t shifting a lot of units of music, then there is nothing in it for the publisher, and no need for any admin on your part. However, if you get to the point where you are earning more than you can keep track of, then approaching a publisher could be a good idea! Publishers charge anywhere from 15-30% depending on the deal they are offering (single song or full catalogue), and these deals all include sunset clauses, meaning that they will retain the rights for a period after the contract ends. If you are a musician wanting to write library music (stock music for advertising etc), then publishers are the ones who deal with this too. Publishers also do admin-only deals sometimes, where they take a lesser percentage for simply doing royalty collection and admin.
So, moral of the story is… if you’re doing well, or get offered a record contract (ensuring the publicity to start selling units), then it would be wise to get yourself a publisher. Luckily, unlike record companies, publishers are easy to get hold of - they want to find talented (money-making) songwriters just as much as you want to reap the benefits of this skill!
To be included on the Born to be Wide seminar mailing list email Olaf Furniss on - borntobe_wide@yahoo.com
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13 November 2009
Many thank-you’s to issue!
I’ve gigged and met a lot of cool people recently, so thought it might be time to do some public ‘thank-you-ing’… So, in reverse order…
A big thanks to Dave from Theoretical Records for putting on a lovely wee night at The Wee Red Bar. I had a tremendous time. To Sonya, thanks for coming to that gig and for being one of my only ‘die-hard-fans’. To Graham & Jenn from The Dirt - thanks for your awesome set, and for being Murder Ballad fans too - I love you!
A huge big shoulder-massaging thanks must go out to Roger ‘Bluesfather’ Emmerson, for putting on Blue Wednesday @ The Forest on the 4th of Nov. Lovin’ your work, Rog.
I must thank the Canadian lady who stalks me at The Newsroom Open Mic every other week too - you are awesome, not only for being Canadian, but for loving me!
A HUGE Augustalia-sized thank you to Fee at Cosmopol Clydebank - you rawk and we’ll be back, oh yes!
To my band, Augustalia - Steve and Adrian, you are wonderful people, bandmates, and monkeys… we sound wicked and I know that is because you guys are putting in the hours. Love you.
To Nick Q at The Buff Club - I had a rawkin’ time on the 22/10, and am looking forward to Cafe Rio on the 2nd December. Keep churning the music on out there, boy!
To Nicky Carder, Eddie Robinson, and Susanna Macdonald, for sticking with AMG and with me, even though I spend more time off the rails than on. You are all beautiful people and magnificent musicians. Dig.
To Jym Ponter, for continuing to be my muse, despite your protestations… and for never letting me away with anything. You are the only one to manage this feat. *bite*
To Al ‘Little Pebble’ Oates - thank you for playing with us on the 27th Aug, and for being the best, grumpiest, most amusing Binkies soundman ever. x
This last thank you is a shout out across the world… all the way to my birthday twin and closest friend, Toby Mills. Your sage advice, care-less attitude, and continued support despite our distance is a bloody god-send.
Also a general thanks to everyone who has bothered to listen to my music, come to a show, or to have shown their support in any way this year. It means a lot to this cynical old dog. Dig, people, dig!
Love & Laudanum,
Hann
http://www.hannahoreilly.com/
http://www.myspace.com/hannahoreilly
http://www.myspace.com/augustalia
http://www.twitter.com/hannahoreilly
Currently listening to:
Hell - Tegan & Sara
It’s Not Easy - Augustalia
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30 September 2009
amanda fucking palmer speaks the truth…
you coulda called me an armchair blogger recently… i’ve been sitting comfortably, not doing much! i’ve been writing my shit poetry, and updating my facebook status entirely too often for most people’s palate. but i’m happy with my inactivity - i have had uni work to do after all!
so, yesterday Amanda fucking Palmer posted this wonderful piece on why she’s not afraid to take YOUR money (http://blog.amandapalmer.net/ ). now, most people that know me will know that this subject is very close to my heart …
I BELIEVE IN GETTING PAID FOR MY ART
like amanda, i am the brash, loud, uncouth person asking you to your face to pay me for hearing me play. i am the one who doesn’t apologise. i am the one demanding a decent door split from the venue, or even for a flat fee. and i am the one asking for a decent sound engineer and decent equipment in return.
i think that many people underestimate the amount of work and soul that goes into creating music… both on a CD and live. i value the work, effort, soul, catharsis, heart that i put into creating this stuff. therefore i kinda have an expectation that others should too. i don’t write the songs for the specific purpose of entertaining you, that is just a bi-product, but for me to perform them to you requires effort on my part and money, and time, and well, if i do all that shit to deliver you a fucking bi-product that’ll rock you, love you, make you cry, make you bop, make you feel something, anything, then isn’t that worth something?
i have been given a fair amount of shtick over the years for this opinion. in fact, i’ve even lost friends over it. which i think is bullshit. but hey, i can’t help people’s ignorance. grin.
i have friends who work solely as musicians, they survive completely on the worth they and you place on their music. so tell me, if you like something in a shop window, and you want to have it/use it/listen to it/etc, you pay for it right? so, why is it different for a live performance? you spend ridiculous amounts of money on seeing crap comedy acts at the fringe festival each year, yet begrudge a couple of quid to someone you enjoy listening to…
for the artists who ‘just do it for the love of the music, man’ - here is my only words for you… keep doing it for the reasons you do it, but recognise that there are musicians out there who rely on this business as their livelihood - and by playing for free at venues that can and do pay, that you essentially lower the bar of expectations that venues have of performers and their fees. being paid by a venue, or by the audience is a good thing. it shows that they value you and your talents. it is not something to shy away from. are you worth it?
for those who don’t know how to go about asking for money… if it’s a venue, most should ask what your fee is, but if they don’t make sure you ask them what their going rate is - if it’s lower than market standards, ask for more - all they can do is say no (be sure to ask nicely of course!). if you’re playing for free, make it strategic - is it a trial gig, a beautiful venue, a one-time opportunity, or a great audience that will love you forever? make sure you check if the venue is PRS registered, so that you can get your percentage of their license fee through the pubs & clubs scheme, and don’t be afraid to sell your wares to the audience afterwards. mention to them if you have a CD for sale, give out your website flyers, ask people to sign a mailing list. people that love you = people that will support you = people that will pay to see you…
simple really.
or at least i think so.
i’m not afraid to tell people how much money i’ve made from music. so far this year i have made approximately £2000 from a mix of self-employment tax rebates, gig fees, PRS royalties, and CD sales… and this is from a part-time gig (i work 9-5 too y’see, so music is my side-project).
if i can raise this much with my half-arsed attempts this year, then i’m sure full-time musicians could make a decent wage. and why the fuck shouldn’t they? what they produce is culturally enriching, valued by many, and should be revered like it used to be - did you know that roman poets and musicians would have a ’sponsor’, who would pay them to create art and music and in turn only ask for the occasional song or poem to be written about them. a pretty good deal really, given that the artist would be given a villa or house and wages!
this segue brings me nicely to my final point - my new band Augustalia (a roman name). my drummer asked ‘you mean we’re charging for our first gig?’ and i was like - ‘umm, yes, if we’re good enough to play in public, then we’re good enough to be paid’… the audience didn’t seem to begrudge us this, enjoyed themselves immensely, and even had spare cash to buy 4 cds off me afterwards! plus we now have enough cash in the kitty to pay to get to our next gig. show us the love, and we will show you love back. love love love!
ok, rant over.
i love you, amanda, we both rock heaps y’know!?!
on a more personal note, i have been laying low musically recently, with a nasty case of post-festival laryngitis, but will be reappearing at a venue near you soon. in the meantime, keep your noses clean, kids! i’m working on a plan for a DIY music video, so hang tight while i figure out how to accomplish this feat!
love & laudanum,
Hann x
http://www.hannahoreilly.com/
http://www.myspace.com/hannahoreilly
http://www.myspace.com/augustalia
http://www.twitter.com/hannahoreilly
Currently listening to:
Your beauty must be rubbing off - Hawksley Workman
Ampersand - Amanda Palmer
Lizard Jack - The Gods Were Convicts
Strange Fruit - Nina fuckin’ Simone!
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21 August 2009
It was my extreme pleasure to meet Amanda Palmer last night. She is a huge inspiration to me as an artist, and quite frankly, she’s a lovely lass! She came up to me outside a burlesque club and told me i looked hot. AMAZING! Diggin’ the sass, Amanda, diggin’ the sass!
x
Hann
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20 August 2009
History repeats…
To say I’ve been slack at the blogging thing would be an understatement! I am an avid facebooker/twitterer… but alas my blogging leaves a lot to be desired! I’m sure you’d all rather see me writing poems and songs rather than blogging meaninglessness anyway, right?
I find myself being suddenly single for the second summer in a row - it appears to be a trend, and I am keen to avoid such! However, this years break-up is proving to be incredibly bountiful on the song-writing front, better even than last years turn-out. So, my next album, which was originally going to be a shiny studio record of all last years break-up songs, is now going to be a shiny record of all of this years break-up songs (last years ones will be making an appearance next year at some point)! The silver lining is slim and often hard to see, but feel free to remind me - ok?!
Thank you to everyone who has come to my gigs this year, I value your time and your ears. And to all the random people I meet at open mic nights - you guys make my day on a regular occasion.
Amidst this chaotic love/music life, I also have a day job, a uni degree to carry-on with, a dog to walk, friends to attempt to stay friends with, and the inevitable insomnia that haunts me. I’ve not slept properly since I broke up with the hubby last year… and have not eaten properly since breaking up with ‘the poet’ in July… so what does that leave - a perpetually tired and malnourished Hannah! Luckily I have ‘marriage fat’ to burn off, so am currently ‘the incredible shrinking hannah’! Silver linings, people, silver linings… remind me!
I have discovered that wearing my corset illicits many more CD sales than normal, so it will have to become a regular feature at gigs - as CD sales make up the majority of my music income at the moment!
Some exciting milestones - my album ‘Stiletto’ goes into HMV this month, and I have re-formed my band so that I have more options for playing decent venues!
I foresee many more songs about ‘the poet’… so keep an eye out, but don’t slash your wrists, please, that’s his job. smirks.
x
Love & Laudanum,
Hannah
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16th June 2009
Liam Gallagher walked out of my gig…
That’s right folks, a blessed event has occurred. Liam Gallagher from Oasis walked into my gig at The Tron (OOTB event) on Tuesday Evening (16th June)… and prompty walked back out again. May I just say, I am thankful he didn’t stay - because if he had I would have been forced to heckle him. I would have been vaguely offended if he’d stayed
Yay for shit musicians leaving!
xH
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14th May 2009
From trauma comes music…
Since the last post soooo many things have happened! Most importantly, the release of my first full album in 6 years. ‘Stiletto’ was written during February Album Writing Month, recorded and produced by me, and was released on May 6th. I have also had a million gigs (ok, so that’s a slight exagerration), and am booked up gig-wise until September - so it’s fabulous!
I am releasing a special ‘dirty EP’ in August, and my studio album in November, so keep a look-out!Bring on the trauma and catharsis of life, the songs they be flowin’!
xxx H
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20th January 2009 Honestly? This is how it is…
Alone. In pain. Incapacitated. Grief. Loss. Vampires.
These words have dominated my recent memories… the past few months have been tumultuous to say the least. There is no way to describe things exactly, although I’ll try. My songs do most of the work I think (some lyrics below)… but there is a lot that I don’t let escape into song… not just yet anyway.
It is all a process, a journey, an inevitable washing machine cycle that I have accepted as my fate. In truth, I’ve come to embrace it… after all it is better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all. I don’t know when it will end, perhaps it won’t… but I am accepting of it… this intravenus pain drip.
I know that if I had the time and the space that maybe I could purge it more quickly… but life goes on and I can but try to keep up. Ebbing the flow enough to function in a reality I’m not completely attuned to yet. Sitting through conversations without hearing a word, not remembered the journey home from work because I’d zoned out, time passing faster than it seems… time passing at all seems impossible now really…
I am on auto-pilot. I smile when I need to, but not because I want to. I talk because it’s expected of me. I work because I need to pay the bills. The only things I do voluntarily and with some amount of proactivity are: singing, writing music, painting, having myself tattooed, and reading. These things actively make me feel better: singing - because I can breathe properly when I sing; writing music - because if I grieve publicly then I’m not alone; painting - because I paint the things that remind me to look up; tattoos - because external pain is so much easier to rationalise; and reading - because, well, I can escape my reality long enough to have a rest.
I have reached the manic stage now. First it was pain + numbness, then it was pain + protective walls, then pain + disgust, then pain + hope, then pain + anger, now it’s pain + mania…
My brain is working overtime, too fast to be useful. I have more ideas than I do energy, more fears than I have protection, more strategies than I have time to implement. And it never stops. I don’t sleep anymore - not like I used to, dead to the world, restful. I fight to fall asleep at all and it’s only exhaustion that makes my brain slow down enough to switch off. It’s like I’m on speed, constantly, with no let up.
I have found one diversion from this speeding brain hell. Vampires. Please allow me this one fantasy, lame as it is. I read the Stephenie Meyer Twilight series (4 x 700 page books) in the first weekend of January. For the first time in ages I stepped out of my traumatised mind and into a land of fantasy, into someone elses rollercoaster ride… for a weekend my pain was alleviated. It felt good. I could barely breathe again when I finished the last book… the trauma of departing my little reverie made me pick up the books and start reading them again. I am now reading them slower, and trying to balance my fantasy with my reality - a compromise I’m not always too pleased with.
On the weekend, I’d not slept, again… and I felt like hiding… from my own mind… if that was possible. So I went to see Twilight at the movies - it’s not particularly well made, and the cinemaphotography made me want to hurl… but for 2 hours, all that existed were my eyes and the screen - I had no body, no thoughts other than those pertaining to the movie… everything else was as black as the movie theatre. It was bliss. For 2 hours I could enjoy things (looking at the pretty vampires is a simple but effective pleasure), I could giggle, I could voluntarily feel things, because without my body or my brain interferring I was safe.
Small things.
There are only a few things that I’m certain of these days…
1. I’m forever changed. For the better eventually, I’m sure of it.
2. The pain isn’t over. But that’s ok.
3. Fantasy is my current drug.
4. Time passes, even when it seems impossible.
5. Death doesn’t seem so scary, if living can be this painful.
6. My music will be what saves my arse.
With all the grace I can muster,
Love & such,
Hannah
Lyrics -
Vertigo
My high ceilings give me vertigo
Not from up there
But from down below
Where I sleep, or so I think
But I’m floating on the brink
Of the land I used to know
Damn you, I used to sleep, I used to sleep
It’s 3am and I’m getting up
At 7 again
My high ceilings give me
The space to think
About the things I shouldn’t think about alone
Damn you, I used to sleep, I used to sleep, vertigo
And I know I don’t deserve the
Nothingness
The nothing is
The nothing was
The nothing that is nothing now
And I know my nothing doesn’t mean
Anything to you now
Damn you, I used to sleep, I used to sleep, vertigo
Delicate
Boy you’re cold
Cold like stone, but so warm
To this old skin
Boy you’re strong
Stronger than before
So don’t you thirst for me
Before you lay me down, before you lay me down, before you lay me down
Just be delicate
Boy I believe
That you’re not my predator
The huntress in me
Wants to hunt you some more
Before you lay me down, before you lay me down, before you lay me down
Just be delicate
You hold my stare
I can’t imagine going anywhere without you
So just be delicate
Before you lay me down, before you lay me down, before you lay me down
Just be delicate